Ohana what?

I hate it when I feel like I don't belong in this family. I feel like I'm being outcasted. Unimportant.. Come to think of it, I am unimportant to everyone around me. I'm no one's top priority anyways. Hadi is back, Alhamdulillah. But I don't feel like being home anymore. Everything's about everyone else except me.

Went out for dinner with the fam eventho I was still not feeling so good. Been coughing none stop, my throat is sore like mad and been constipated for God knows how many days. Mum knows very well that I'm not okay. She cooked ayam masak merah last night for dinner, btw.

That's the thing. When kakak is sick, she'll bring her to the clinic and cook soups, porridge, make tea, etc. When Hadi is sick, she does the same too. When Hadi woke up in the middle of the night complaining of chest pains, Mum got straight up, woke dad up and die die wanted to go A&E. The result, nothing serious. He was just coughing a lot which leads to the chest feeling uncomfortable. When I woke up in the middle of the night, complained of chest pains all she said was "pakai puff and sapu vicks" and went back to sleep. When I woke up in the middle of the night coughing my lungs out none stop, she texted "minum air suam. da sapu vicks?" A while later I heard her snoring. Never once have she brought me to the clinic when I was having asthma. I had to walk, breathless, on my own to the polyclinic.

Tonight, we went out to eat at Enak Enak. Dad's been wanting to eat siput sedut since last week. While ordering food, everyone chose a dish. I asked if we could order steam fish instead of sambal pari cause all the other dishes are spicy and my throat is really sore. The first thing she said was "huh mahal kan?" I clearly said my throat is in pain and I want something soft and warm. Fine. I gave in and told them to just order whatever. Dad prolly noticed how pissed I was so he kept asking me to choose vegetables so I can eat. But I can't only be eating vegetables obviously. But that's all I had. Cause everything else was spicy. I swear if I had brought my wallet along I'd have gone berserk and left. Mum was saying about how the steam fish is "expensive" (it was the same price as the pari btw but since Hadi wants it so they ordered that.) and when we were finishing, Hadi wanted to order Udang bakar which was $2 per piece. And we're not talking about those big tiger prawns, The prawns were skinny and small! Favourtism alert! So guess who's gonna stay away from home the next few days.

I was super pissed to the point of tearing up while eating. How full can I get eating just veggies? My protein today is already so low.

Feeling like shit right now.


I really wish I could talk to Love. He's been quiet since afternoon. As much as I want to text him, I don't want him to feel like I'm not giving him space. And I don't want to be ranting when he's so far away. But I really wish he's here now. At least that would make me feel a little better.